The Magnificent Dance

If they substituted the word ‘Lust’ for ‘Love’ in the popular songs it would come nearer the truth-


You are now connected to the CultFit Extreme Fitness conference call. Please state your name and title for those of us in attendance.

“Chaz, reporting from Omaha”

“Molly here! The best bodega/spa manager this side of the Hudson”

“Caleb, Cage Free/Paleo animal relations director from Red Hook”

“:::heavy frantic breathing::: Zoey …”

“OK, well thanks for calling in everyone. I wanted to start by saying all of you are doing such …”

“:::heavy breathing::: ahhhh – yeahhhh”

“Zoey … is that you? Are you OK?”

“Yeah, Chaz. :::heavy breathing::: I’m calling during my lunch hour. Just getting in my scheduled afternoon bikram yoga session in. AHHHHHH.”

“Zoey, you really didn’t need to call us from the yoga studio!?!”

“Oh I’m not at the yoga studio. :::heavy breathing::: I’m actually just … ahhhhhh the burn! Feel it! Damn! … I’m just sitting in my office with a space heater on full blast! Between the sweet pouring off my body and the humidifier …”

“Hey, I don’t mean to be difficult, but I gotta go do things and see people in an hour, so can we just get on with this meeting already?”

“Yes, sorry Molly. Anyway, like I was saying. I just want to go over the Q4 projections of our Elite – Sustainable – Renewable Energy – Health Spa to make sure we’re all on the same …”

“Ahhh, yeah that’s it. Yeah right there, deeper, feel the stretch :::heavy breathing::: AHHHHHHHH!”

“Zoey … are you sure you’re OK?”

“Yeah, I just took off my clothes and upped the intensity a touch. I’m almost done lovelies. Keep going.”

“Caleb, did you want to go over your thoughts for the planned sustainable – rooftop – farmers market … ”

“:::heavy breathing::: 5 … 4 … 3 … 2 … FIRE BREATHING!!! Bring it on home, Zoey! You got this you bad ass …! AHHHHHHHH!”

“This is really distracting. Maybe we can just brief Zoey later over a babyccino?!?”

“It’s OK Molly. I’m done now.”


“Just need to switch the space heater off and … there. I’m listening. Go on folks.”

“I really think it might be better if we just reschedule for …”

“:::heavy breathing::: heeee heeee hoooo hoooo heeeeeeeeeee huuurts soooo gooooood.”

“This is ridiculous. I’m signing off now.”


“Yeah, me too.”


“Just one … more … second. Annnnd done. Ahhhh. Alright, good work everybody. Hello? Anyone still here, hello?!?”


CultFit Bitch

Tuesday 1 November 2011

Learning is not compulsory… neither is survival-

Hopefully everyone made it home in one piece after Halloween last night.  The individual below on the other hand…

The Plan-

It’s time to be completely honest with us here at CultFit HQ Random Fitness peeps.  How many of you just roll right through your given workout without giving any thought to what you are actually doing?  We thought so and it changes today.  Listen to your body the rest of the week…

The Workout-

Not for time…

20m Heavy Farmers Walk…Followed by:

20 Perfect Push Ups

3 Goblet Squat Holds

We prefer you do this first set barefoot for the following reason:  Actively spread your toes during each step and grip the floor beneath you.  If you feel you are a danger to your well-being and stand the chance of dropping the weights…Don’t.  Every movement we do is under control and planned with a purpose.  Heavy Farmers Walks give us the perfect opportunity to perform  single rep dead-lift right?

20m Heavy Farmers Walk…Followed by:

20 Perfect Push Ups

3 Goblet Squat Holds

Quick feet this time while still gripping the floor.  Big chest and chin up, paying more attention to your core stability.  Open No thumb), loose grip on the weight.

20m Heavy Farmers Walk…Followed by:

20 Perfect Push Ups

3 Goblet Squat Holds

Gently and importantly, under control lean forward and let gravity assist during this set.

20m Heavy Farmers Walk…Followed by:

20 Perfect Push Ups

3 Goblet Squat Holds

Notes:  During the last set put all the pieces together and walk it out until your grip fails you.  ENJOY!!!

Monday 03 October 2011

As a dog returneth to his vomit, so a fool returneth to his folly-

Thank you for all the feedback, both positive and negative!  It really does help us here at CultFit HQ no matter what the naysayers opine.  Also, to all our athletes who competed this past weekend (you know who you are…) congratulations on the podium finishes!  Training to lead a healthy life and to produce measurable results…what a novel idea, huh?

The Plan-

Think of some movements this morning that you have been neglecting of late and why you have been putting them on the back burner.  If they are there for a reason i.e they make you hurt or aggravate an old injury, leave them there for good!  The idea today is craft a series of movements that augment your training goals in addition to the proven movements that have been working for you of late.

The Workout-

Pulled this one from our “Craft Brew Series” here at the CultFit archives…

Walk/Run-Run-Run/Walk…Tempo run peeps, find a good pace and stay in the groove for 30 minutes.


Weighted Step Ups

Perfect Dips

Notes-Once you pick the weight up for the ‘step ups’ it stays up…Plant foot and push through, nice controlled movement.  ENJOY!!!