The Magnificent Dance

If they substituted the word ‘Lust’ for ‘Love’ in the popular songs it would come nearer the truth-


You are now connected to the CultFit Extreme Fitness conference call. Please state your name and title for those of us in attendance.

“Chaz, reporting from Omaha”

“Molly here! The best bodega/spa manager this side of the Hudson”

“Caleb, Cage Free/Paleo animal relations director from Red Hook”

“:::heavy frantic breathing::: Zoey …”

“OK, well thanks for calling in everyone. I wanted to start by saying all of you are doing such …”

“:::heavy breathing::: ahhhh – yeahhhh”

“Zoey … is that you? Are you OK?”

“Yeah, Chaz. :::heavy breathing::: I’m calling during my lunch hour. Just getting in my scheduled afternoon bikram yoga session in. AHHHHHH.”

“Zoey, you really didn’t need to call us from the yoga studio!?!”

“Oh I’m not at the yoga studio. :::heavy breathing::: I’m actually just … ahhhhhh the burn! Feel it! Damn! … I’m just sitting in my office with a space heater on full blast! Between the sweet pouring off my body and the humidifier …”

“Hey, I don’t mean to be difficult, but I gotta go do things and see people in an hour, so can we just get on with this meeting already?”

“Yes, sorry Molly. Anyway, like I was saying. I just want to go over the Q4 projections of our Elite – Sustainable – Renewable Energy – Health Spa to make sure we’re all on the same …”

“Ahhh, yeah that’s it. Yeah right there, deeper, feel the stretch :::heavy breathing::: AHHHHHHHH!”

“Zoey … are you sure you’re OK?”

“Yeah, I just took off my clothes and upped the intensity a touch. I’m almost done lovelies. Keep going.”

“Caleb, did you want to go over your thoughts for the planned sustainable – rooftop – farmers market … ”

“:::heavy breathing::: 5 … 4 … 3 … 2 … FIRE BREATHING!!! Bring it on home, Zoey! You got this you bad ass …! AHHHHHHHH!”

“This is really distracting. Maybe we can just brief Zoey later over a babyccino?!?”

“It’s OK Molly. I’m done now.”


“Just need to switch the space heater off and … there. I’m listening. Go on folks.”

“I really think it might be better if we just reschedule for …”

“:::heavy breathing::: heeee heeee hoooo hoooo heeeeeeeeeee huuurts soooo gooooood.”

“This is ridiculous. I’m signing off now.”


“Yeah, me too.”


“Just one … more … second. Annnnd done. Ahhhh. Alright, good work everybody. Hello? Anyone still here, hello?!?”


CultFit Bitch

2 Comments on “The Magnificent Dance”

  1. Cracking up at your wonderful graphic!

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