There is Still Time

As if you were on fire from within. The moon lives in the lining of your skin-

Over the years as a father, husband, coach\trainer, a friend. I often find myself surrounded by people who rarely, if ever, have asked themselves: “What am I passionate about in life?” From the time most of us were little stinkers tearing up the neighborhood, we knew what we wanted to do. Playing until dusk, ignoring the call from mother to come inside, running without a care in the world, and trading baseball cards to put into the spokes of our bikes. We cherished these moments and we still do

Meanwhile, many of us venture through the day uncertain of what we cared about, back in our youth. We spend an infinite amount of time choosing majors at university and picking a career, still uncertain of “our true passion – calling“.

Rediscovering our passion later in life is tricky to say the least. Many folks simply fall into molds society has conveniently placed around us: Men don’t do yoga. Muscles equal success, dangerously skinny women are placed proudly on a pedestal labeled as: Fitspiration.

Its time we stopped worrying about what physical activity will reignite our passion. What event, what gadget, what athlete, what lame – tired blog post  Just being passionate, each and every morning will allow your true spirit to reveal itself, attracting life to a you that is ready, willing, and able to dance the kind of dance – that you want to dance.

Notes:

There is safety in life when we embrace the mold we live in, and then there is beautiful, passionate, unencumbered life. A life worth living

CultFit Gravel


The (I)ntro

Pain will come with time, but time will heal the pain-

Let the above quote settle in your heart for a moment …

Life can be full of emotional “roles” we take on. I am tired of trying to act out what others have created – written for me, and I want to define myself for who I really am, not what’s expected.

Of the 500+ blog posts I have written, this one has been by far the most challenging. Why? Because it is more Uncle Ben Kenobi then Luke Skywalker and while I like to think I can save the day, every day, for everyone, like an intergalactic heroine; I realize I must now save myself. I am not a fictional character but a simple dude figuring things out and sharing observations along the way. A simple dude who is learning that being healthy and pain-free is not a luxury to take lightly, it is part of my journey.

I’ve arrived to the conclusion that I need more than awareness, I need acceptance in my life. I am fully aware that I live with unwavering pain everyday, simply waking up in the morning (hell, I never fall sleep) is enough of a reminder.

I fully realize now (in this uncomfortable writing position) that awareness is the crisp sheet of Star Wars wrapping paper my lovely wife and I firmly wrap around our son’s birthday presents, with the gift(s) neatly stowed inside, and acceptance is the shredded aftermath of his fury: ribbons, bows, poorly taped boxes, and batteries I forgot to pick up the night before (because focusing on suppressing pain is all-consuming)   it is effort, function, and truth beyond projected images. They are both beautiful and play important roles in our life.

Awareness: I have always wanted to get better after each injury, heal faster, be healthier, listen to everyone’s problems, and take away everyone’s pain away without ever taking time to acknowledge my own. I’m terrified of pain … I want to be the poetic ideal that everyone believes I am. A friend, a father and husband with time and heart for all who come in need of a hug or a willing ear, to process a conversation or opinion without judgement. I want to meditate peacefully, perform yoga pain-free, be a better lover, and be honest and open to all I meet. Is that too much to be all of the time?

The answer of course is a resounding YES! Because after years of simply being aware of the pain, I am now laid barre writing to you, fully accepting where I am at in life.

Acceptance: I have always thought that simply not being in the grasp of the worst of my pain was in fact happiness. Everything these past few years has been a matter of comparison for me, I am a walking barometer of pain. I want to know what happiness truly feels like. Happiness is not skipping mega doses of pain medication(s) one morning in order to know I am alive today in comparison to yesterday when I was under the influence of too much Motrin. My days are filled sharing with others in hopes that they will come to know happiness. That they can work towards being better, that you are allowed to eat red velvet birthday cake, drink too much wine and be merry. You don’t have to suppress the joys of life to achieve some self-serving, vanity filled fitness goal! What others expect you to be

Notes:

What follows is a note to myself:

I must take care of myself, not just so I can fulfill my obligations in life but to take care of those who love me.

CultFit Path


The Solitude of Night

It was at a wine party—
I lay in a drowse, knowing it not.
The blown flowers fell and filled my lap.
When I arose, still drunken,
The birds had all gone to their nests,
And there remained but few of my comrades.
I went along the river—alone in the moonlight.

Li Po

CultFit Quiet


Subir la Temperatura

What the hell. The heart wants what the heart wants, right?-

The posts for the remainder of the year (for the most part) will be personal in nature, so please forgive the self-involvement in advance. I have worked extremely hard to omit painful personal stories from this blog-o-thing.

Every Fall, I like to engage in two very different sorts of bike rides (I’m into the cycling thing now although I do this with yoga almost every week during the year)—one with a group of good friends, and one alone, myself. These rides don’t have to be real long or strenuous, just long enough to get a clean break from the rigors of my day-to-day life. These moments of serenity each provide me with two very different experiences, and I intimately love both of them.

Although it’s the long free-flowing ride that I take by myself that gives me the time to reflect on where I am at (not lost in a cornfield …) and where I will be going.

This alone time affords me the luxury of taking as much time as I need to relax into a smooth rhythm, to delve deeper into the love that we are often too busy to enjoy and savor. Sleeping in late, enjoying a cup of chamomile tea – “A touch of soy milk and Stevia please.” Hanging out with no agenda, no races, no race prep, no FitBit trackers, no cell phones Zero responsibilities, it’s as close to heaven as I can get in Nebraska.

We – You included – Have forgotten that there isn’t anything more important than taking time to restore our health, our spirit and mind(s). To reawaken and indulge our enjoyment of deep pleasure (re-read this post again later and preface it with the imagery of love, sex and passion … ), and to retreat into the sweet environment that supports the growth of our true selves.

When we stop being curious about who we really are and start thinking that we already “know” whatever, our intrinsic motivation to be curious, attentive, and engaged – weakens and slowly withers away into nothingness. Slaves to what is to be expected of us.

Notes:

What am I writing about this morning? Love, relationships, riding a bike, sex, yoga Cool Fall evenings are tailored for our “delight“. Be well today and enjoy!

CultFit Path


Bad Day

Not every day
is a good day
for the elfin tailor.
Some days
the stolen cloth
reveals what it
was made for:
a handsome weskit
or the jerkin
of an elfin sailor.
Other days
the tailor
sees a jacket
in his mind
and sets about
to find the fabric.
But some days
neither the idea
nor the material
presents itself;
and these are
the hard days
for the tailor elf.

Kay Ryan

Notes:

Things“will get back to normal around here this coming Monday. Until then, be well and have an amazing weekend!

CultFit Light