Give Me More Than the Life (I) See

It is by no means an irrational fancy that, in a future existence, we shall look upon what we think our present existence, as a dream-

I’ve arrived at a conclusion this morning, that one simple, mindful day out of the year, set aside for us to do what we’re ordinarily not very good at: Recognizing our own limitations and identifying needs for improvement. Is a good idea.

Today, Dear Reader? You get the unblemished truth …

My cycling club had a “wellness ride” last month (ish). I participated, and because we are open and honest here … I won’t hide the truth as to what my motivation for attending was: I wanted the free t-shirt that went along with it. Seriously, what better way to break from the normal weekend ride than to offer me a mediocre, hunter’s orange t-shirt for a paltry $35 participant fee?

You’d be amazed and nauseated if I told you this was some sort of mistake I had wandered into. The ride was tremendously windy. My body was not quite feeling up to the task of a 50 mile single speed ride starting at 7am on a Sunday. Sleep had been non-existent all week, work was more stressful than normal, I failed to have my sweet ride up on the car the night before. The morning of the ride was chaotic …

Looking back, I was willing to go to great lengths to refute the objective information my body and mind were presenting to me, simply because I ignored it. I pushed harder and harder during the last few miles, paid little attention to my knee aching, my shoulders and hips tightening up. The walk into the house later that evening was pure hell and having my son see me in such a poor condition left little doubt to the pain I had caused this Sunday in late March.

I (you) do the same very “thing“, every single weekend.

You could write, painfully every day for eternity talking about self-deception and how much it has to offer and take away. Self deception allows us to remain resilient stepping off the scale, having not lost 10 pounds this month. Self deception also allows us to recover quickly from failure. It gives us dudes the balls to say, I know I’m injured right now, my body is weak and stressed, but I want a t-shirt and beer tickets.

My keen ability to keep failing to assume responsibility for my actions, which affect many other lovely people around me, I never fully seize the opportunity for actual improvement, whatever that is. I refused to surrender to the reality unfolding around me and I became an insufferable asshole up until this morning (if you are doing the math at home: One whole month), who no one wants to be around or kiss when you get home from work.

Notes:

One day, maybe this morning? Grasp the importance and wisdom that arrives when we recognize the importance of seeing ourselves, for who we really are.

Be well friends and take care this weekend.