The (I)ntro
Posted: September 27, 2013 Filed under: Random Workout | Tags: blogging, crossfit, cycling, Darth Vader, Emotion, exercise, family, fitness, free range, freshly pressed, friends, gluten free, happiness, health, hipster, hope, intensity, Jedi, kettlebell, kindness, life, love, Luke Skywalker, lululemon, marathon, medicine, meditation, motivation, Motrin, musings, natural, nature, Obi-Wan Kenobi, Omaha, pain, Pain management, paleo, passion, running, star wars, WOD, writing, yoga 28 CommentsPain will come with time, but time will heal the pain-
Let the above quote settle in your heart for a moment …
Life can be full of emotional “roles” we take on. I am tired of trying to act out what others have created – written for me, and I want to define myself for who I really am, not what’s expected.
Of the 500+ blog posts I have written, this one has been by far the most challenging. Why? Because it is more Uncle Ben Kenobi then Luke Skywalker and while I like to think I can save the day, every day, for everyone, like an intergalactic heroine; I realize I must now save myself. I am not a fictional character but a simple dude figuring things out and sharing observations along the way. A simple dude who is learning that being healthy and pain-free is not a luxury to take lightly, it is part of my journey.
I’ve arrived to the conclusion that I need more than awareness, I need acceptance in my life. I am fully aware that I live with unwavering pain everyday, simply waking up in the morning (hell, I never fall sleep) is enough of a reminder.
I fully realize now (in this uncomfortable writing position) that awareness is the crisp sheet of Star Wars wrapping paper my lovely wife and I firmly wrap around our son’s birthday presents, with the gift(s) neatly stowed inside, and acceptance is the shredded aftermath of his fury: ribbons, bows, poorly taped boxes, and batteries I forgot to pick up the night before (because focusing on suppressing pain is all-consuming) … it is effort, function, and truth beyond projected images. They are both beautiful and play important roles in our life.
Awareness: I have always wanted to get better after each injury, heal faster, be healthier, listen to everyone’s problems, and take away everyone’s pain away without ever taking time to acknowledge my own. I’m terrified of pain … I want to be the poetic ideal that everyone believes I am. A friend, a father and husband with time and heart for all who come in need of a hug or a willing ear, to process a conversation or opinion without judgement. I want to meditate peacefully, perform yoga pain-free, be a better lover, and be honest and open to all I meet. Is that too much to be all of the time?
The answer of course is a resounding YES! Because after years of simply being aware of the pain, I am now laid barre writing to you, fully accepting where I am at in life.
Acceptance: I have always thought that simply not being in the grasp of the worst of my pain was in fact happiness. Everything these past few years has been a matter of comparison for me, I am a walking barometer of pain. I want to know what happiness truly feels like. Happiness is not skipping mega doses of pain medication(s) one morning in order to know I am alive today in comparison to yesterday when I was under the influence of too much Motrin. My days are filled sharing with others in hopes that they will come to know happiness. That they can work towards being better, that you are allowed to eat red velvet birthday cake, drink too much wine and be merry. You don’t have to suppress the joys of life to achieve some self-serving, vanity filled fitness goal! What others expect you to be …
Notes:
What follows is a note to myself:
I must take care of myself, not just so I can fulfill my obligations in life but to take care of those who love me.
Desert Wind(s)
Posted: August 5, 2013 Filed under: Random Workout | Tags: blogging, fitness, free range, freshly pressed, friends, gluten free, happiness, health, hope, kindness, life, love, lululemon, marathon, meditation, motivation, musings, natural, nature, Omaha, pain, passion, Patience, perspective, pilates, running, Suffering, trail running, whole foods, WOD, yoga 4 CommentsRivers know this: there is no hurry. We shall get there some day-
What does patience mean to you personally in regards to mindfulness and living an authentic life?
Patience: the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, difficulty and annoyance without getting angry or upset.
What are we to think after reading this definition of patience I pulled from a dusty dictionary? You may be asking: “Will I encounter delay, difficulty, or annoyance in my life?” All of us share a universal answer: (we) can’t recall a single day in our lives when at least one of “three” –delay, difficulty and annoyance … Didn’t make an appearance.
Throughout the years, my reaction to the presence of any one of the three was to get “angry” a little “upset” and completely “ticked off.” Then early one winter morning I realized that my normal response served only to make an already unpleasant situation, worse, much worse. Thus began my journey to making a conscious effort to respond to “delay, difficulty and annoyance” differently than I had done before. On the worst days? The best I could do was to simply “tolerate” their presence in my life. Although with practice, just like riding a bike and doing the yoga thing, I was better able to “accept” them kindly, with a smile and as an inevitable part of daily life.
When we start to weave tolerance and acceptance into delay, difficulty and annoyance … We sit up straight and start to notice a few things. Firstly, patience is a gentle way of treating ourselves with compassion. Keep in mind Dear Reader: Compassion is the act of reaching out to those who are suffering … Including ourselves.
Secondly, I noticed that being patient gave me a feeling of calmness that makes it infinitely easier to ride life’s ups and downs without being tossed about aimlessly. Seeing the correlation between patience and enhanced self-compassion and awareness convinced me of the value of practicing patience.
Notes:
I suffer deeply when I stray from the path of patience, lack of patience is a stress response to whatever is going wrong in my life. Stress firmly grips both my mind and my body … Cultivating patience is my way of taking care of myself, which is the heart of self-compassion. the calm acceptance of life as it is, right now in this precious moment
Now how does one share to the world, the hyper obsessed runners and fitness aficionados that the idea of suffering and stress from punishing our bodies is NOT taking care of ourselves?
Give Me More Than the Life (I) See
Posted: May 10, 2013 Filed under: Random Workout | Tags: blogging, cycling, family, fitness, free range, friends, gluten free, happiness, health, hipster, hope, kindness, life, love, lululemon, marathon, meditation, musings, natural, Omaha, pain, passion, running, Suffering, trail running, whole foods, WOD, yoga 4 CommentsIt is by no means an irrational fancy that, in a future existence, we shall look upon what we think our present existence, as a dream-
I’ve arrived at a conclusion this morning, that one simple, mindful day out of the year, set aside for us to do what we’re ordinarily not very good at: Recognizing our own limitations and identifying needs for improvement. Is a good idea.
Today, Dear Reader? You get the unblemished truth …
My cycling club had a “wellness ride” last month (ish). I participated, and because we are open and honest here … I won’t hide the truth as to what my motivation for attending was: I wanted the free t-shirt that went along with it. Seriously, what better way to break from the normal weekend ride than to offer me a mediocre, hunter’s orange t-shirt for a paltry $35 participant fee?
You’d be amazed and nauseated if I told you this was some sort of mistake I had wandered into. The ride was tremendously windy. My body was not quite feeling up to the task of a 50 mile single speed ride starting at 7am on a Sunday. Sleep had been non-existent all week, work was more stressful than normal, I failed to have my sweet ride up on the car the night before. The morning of the ride was chaotic …
Looking back, I was willing to go to great lengths to refute the objective information my body and mind were presenting to me, simply because I ignored it. I pushed harder and harder during the last few miles, paid little attention to my knee aching, my shoulders and hips tightening up. The walk into the house later that evening was pure hell and having my son see me in such a poor condition left little doubt to the pain I had caused this Sunday in late March.
I (you) do the same very “thing“, every single weekend.
You could write, painfully every day for eternity talking about self-deception and how much it has to offer and take away. Self deception allows us to remain resilient stepping off the scale, having not lost 10 pounds this month. Self deception also allows us to recover quickly from failure. It gives us dudes the balls to say, I know I’m injured right now, my body is weak and stressed, but I want a t-shirt and beer tickets.
My keen ability to keep failing to assume responsibility for my actions, which affect many other lovely people around me, I never fully seize the opportunity for actual improvement, whatever that is. I refused to surrender to the reality unfolding around me and I became an insufferable asshole up until this morning (if you are doing the math at home: One whole month), who no one wants to be around or kiss when you get home from work.
Notes:
One day, maybe this morning? Grasp the importance and wisdom that arrives when we recognize the importance of seeing ourselves, for who we really are.
Be well friends and take care this weekend.
(I’m) Reckless
Posted: May 7, 2013 Filed under: Random Workout | Tags: Addiction, blogging, crossfit, exercise, fitness, free range, freshly pressed, gluten free, happiness, health, hipster, hope, intensity, jogging, kettlebell, kindness, life, marathon, meditation, motivation, musings, natural, pain, paleo, passion, perspective, pilates, running, simplicity, social media, technology, trail running, walking, whole foods, WOD, yoga 10 CommentsIn this world of numbness and information overload, the ability to feel, my boy, is a rare gift indeed-
You scowl at your running partner(s) for running with headphones in. You can faintly hear ‘1901’ blasting from their ears. They are insistently checking their GPS watch, every ten steps, although 10 miles later during a quick stop to refuel? Out comes a magenta hued insta-message to let the world know you just slammed a gel pack. Don’t they realize how much it annoys you? The anger on your face is plain as day …
Remember when placing an emergency call meant stepping into a phone booth? Today’s electronic do-dad’s and wireless communications gadgets have made it possible for us to handle emergencies in near real-time, help us to find and reconnect with long-lost friends and the best part: Fantasy Sports. Although all of this “convenience” we have at our finger tips comes at a steep price. The incursion of technology into our lives both at home and while out for an evening run, means less down time and we become ungrounded from our true spirit (tomorrows post). FaceTube and iThings rip into and tear apart relationships and thwart leisure pursuits. I often lament about leisure/life balance, oddly the term “Balance” seems to be a thing of the past.
What in the world is the meaning of balance anymore?
Steeping back from the running story, we as families are feeling this pain at home as well. Social experiment for the day: Engage a teenager in an eye to eye conversation. Let me know how that works out for you. Today’s teens have booth feet, wading chest deep in a technology sinkhole, sad.
Notes:
Know what? It’s rather easy to blame social media and technology, I should know, I am rather adept at it. Over the past fortnight I have been thinking about this issue ad nauseam, what “balance” truly means, the mixed blessing and danger of technology and many other things (NHL Playoffs). Even though social media and technology have placed the world at our feet, the 24/7 access impedes our spiritual health and quality of life.
Ask yourself today: Has the convenience been worth it?
Artificial Life
Posted: February 27, 2013 Filed under: Random Workout | Tags: blogging, fitness, free range, happiness, health, hipster, jogging, kettlebell, life, love, lululemon, marathon, motivation, natural, pain, paleo, passion, perspective, pilates, Risk, running, Suffering, trail running, walking, weight loss, whole foods, WOD, yoga, Yoga Goddess 11 CommentsThat’s sad. How plastic and artificial life has become. It gets harder and harder to find something…real.” Nin interlocked his fingers, and stretched out his arms. “Real love, real friends, real body parts…”-
Life, each and every day is a risky undertaking. Each of us have our own choices to make each day, minute-to-minute, conveniently wrapped with the many mysteries of life. The weight loss plan we planned out over a nice Merlot in January may help us reach a goal we value and then again, it very well may not.
What exactly makes sense as we negotiate this perilous journey of life?
The balance between too much risk and too much safety is an altogether different equation for different folks. There is no right answer.
The rule book for our life is written well before we are born and we are taught those rules from the day of our birth. The rules are full of do this and don’t do that and awful consequences (you’ll shoot your eye out kid) and great rewards (a cheap medal for finishing a 5k). No two of you reading today share the same rule book as mine, not even remotely close. This is one of the main reasons why we sometimes become so hostile, so polarized, unwavering in our thoughts when facing off against an opponent who feels equally so. Don’t believe me? Tell the yoga goddess in your 9am class that her breathing and focus, suck. She’s following the rules for herself (matching Lululemon pants with a revealing top).
Living deeply is looking closely at your rule book and deciding, for ourselves, what our true nature is. What exactly is your true nature and how can you live authentically? The answers don’t come as easy as say a one-time blog post or a witty self-help e-book. They come as feelings of intuition and as a sense of purpose, guiding us one way or another. The answers we seek will come as clarity, focus, a genuine sense of purpose. Sometimes the answers are crystal clear, sometimes they are barely discernible nudges; a fleeting thought or feeling; a sweetness on your lips; a resonance in your heart … Do you hear these today?
The Workout-
A simple Walk sprinkled with some Inversions to make life interesting.
Notes:
Step outside the familiar this afternoon, the comfortable, the place where you think you are safe, take a risk (wear jammies to yoga class). Take a risk against the old you … This is a risk worth taking.
CultFit 