(A) Visit

It’s not time to worry yet-

Dear Readers, since Summer has surrendered to the beauty of the Fall, I have been obsessing over my left knee as the days grow shorter and the nights increasingly grow colder. I feel nothing different in it. It doesn’t hurt as much as before, just some clicking and popping – the occasional swelling reminding me to slow down and rest. And yet, in the past, I have had severe, tear inducing pain underneath where my left index finger rests this morning. A few months ago (July maybe …) after doing too much physically during class, cycling with no intention or purpose: In essence ignoring my body, I had the same feelings, in the same spot of my surgery. I obsessively spent countless hours rubbing and massaging around the medial side of my left patella, the femoral notch, the spot on your lovers knee that you place your hand while driving one Fall morning to pick apples … I did this to the point of bruising the still tender soft tissue where my surgeon ripped my knee apart.

Last evening while reading Siddhartha, cuddled up with my Son lying on the floor, nothing is going on. no pain, Yet in my mind I feel like I feel something, in the sense of sensing something is wrong. I feel like I sense something there, like an old friend paying a visit after a long journey  …

Which reminds me of something. It’s about “some” dude who visited a friend recently, “Right here.” I He said, jabbing, poking at the exact spot. The doctor friend replied, looking directly in my unwavering eyes, “have you been doing this a lot?” “What do you mean by this?” I replied, jabbing and prodding at the incision points insistently.

“Yes. Said the doctor. “Yes,” she said.

Notes:

My friend looked me in my eyes once again, her hand placed on my knee with care and softly spoke … “Stop doing that – Dude.”