How Deep is the : Ocean :

Solitude is fine but you need someone to tell that solitude is fine.-

When I became chronically “injured” over five years ago, I was forced to trade the exciting life of an aspiring athlete for the isolation of my own mind The loneliness was dense, palpable at times, it was hard to distinguish between the injury I was struggling through at the time and the loneliness that gripped me all of the time.

Back in the wonder years, I found being alone anything but glorious, and far from being soothing. It wasn’t even remotely sweet and delicious. Although, a close friends advice that yoga was what I needed  planted a delicate seed in my mind, and so I began to explore the meaning of “being alone.” I realized early on that being alone on my mat, in and of itself, is neither positive nor negative. This profound feedback described a good portion of my life trying to be someone who I was not – The painful loneliness of striving to be better than the person next me on the starting line or the glorious solitude of going home broken and empty-handed.

The spiritual manifestation of yoga (not to be confused with the physical) and a deeply rooted mindfulness “practice” showed me that if I could let go of the desire to win at all costs, I might be able to open my heart and soul to the possibility that life could be sweet, maybe even delicious?!? I gradually warmed to the quiet calm of my mind, mindfully following my breath entering and leaving my body. My powers of observation, began to bloom – noting the subtle details swirling around me, details that in the past – Escaped me, like the play of sunlight reflecting from the metallic rims on the road as I cycle along or leaves dancing carelessly in the air on a windy fall morning.

Daily Meditation:

Once I opened my heart and soul to being alone, my loneliness did become sweet and delicious. And some days, when all is calm, it’s even beautiful. Cultivating self-compassion more so than anything else, softens my loneliness and pain, which in turn makes me smile.

 Rachelle, Jeff, Cheryl – Sandra, Jim, Katelon, Alyssa, Susie – Michelle, Sara and Maia. To all of you who have “followed” my ramblings from the beginning – My sincerest gratitude for your kindness and support. There truly is no way I can accurately put into words how much you have helped me – Thank you.

CultFit Lonliness

24 Comments on “How Deep is the : Ocean :”

  1. cultivating self-compassion – I need to have that phrase roll around in my mind a bit. Stay healthy.

    • CultFit says:

      That’s what this whole “thing” is about, my blogging stories – cultivating self-compassion. Its not about the perfect yoga pose, best workout program or the preferred running shoe. For too long I struggled to find out what would work the best to achieve my goals, and I comfortable now saying that self compassion, above all us – Helped to heal me.
      May your heart and spirit be well this afternoon – Take care my friend 🙂

  2. bgddyjim says:

    The sentiment is mutual brother. Thank you too.

    • CultFit says:

      … This past year has been a blur, and as we start to slow down over the holidays – Thoughts that have been stirring for quite some time are starting to come to the surface. I was in a bad place years ago and through blogging, I have been able to slow down and savor life, instead of racing straight through it. Your support means a lot to me!

  3. katelon says:

    You are quite welcome friend! I very much appreciate your authentic sharing, your deep practice of examining your truth, opening your heart to the world, to Spirit, to your soul, your willingness to be vulnerable. And…not to forget your beautiful way of articulating that journey so we all get to share in it.

  4. Maia says:

    Awww… you’re welcome. Let me push you =)))

    When we wholeheartedly give? It comes back a thousand-fold…
    You have likewise given yourself to me, to us, and have created a much needed healing… so thank you as I push you again! Much like a spring… we come back to ourselves. =)

  5. Dan Budai says:

    I think sometimes looking at myself from the outside, helps me understand the Why? questions. A very nice article. I consider it touches the the greatest illness of the modern society…being with yourself, living with yourself and even accepting yourself.

    Be true!


  6. ckrupski says:

    Thank you! Always grateful for your writings and conversations! We are all on a similar journey.
    Contentment, Gratitude, Peace to you.

    • CultFit says:

      As winter settles in and I start to attend class on a more regular basis 😉 Will we have more time to continue our conversations. Although, conversation over a bottle of wine sounds pretty inspiring! Take care and thank you once again 🙂

  7. Great post. I specifically love the bit about the heart and soul opening to the possibility that life could be sweet…once we clue into the possibilities –> we’re golden!

  8. Sandra says:

    So glad that, as I sit here listening to guitars playing in my living room by my dearest love and one of his incredibly talented guitar-playing friends, I finally have time to sit down and read through blogs I have not had time to read for a month. I am so glad I found this gem.

    You, my friend, through sharing your journey, has helped us immensely on ours. Thinking through your healing process and sharing it with us, has given us courage and strength to face our own demons. Or at least begin to recognize them.

    One of my happiest days was realizing that you lived just 50 miles away and then actually meeting you. What a special person you are. And just so you know, the love goes both ways, my friend. Perhaps we’ll have a nice day this winter and can hit the trails?

    In the meantime, hugs to you. I’m so happy to have found you and traveled this journey with you in spirit. I am a better person for it. I know that.

    • CultFit says:

      You truly have warmed my heart and soul this morning … Can you see me smiling over here 🙂
      I’m at a loss of words during moments such as these. Clumsy and awkward, not sure what to say or do, however, a heart felt hug can do wonders for our souls. Please let me know if you and Dale happen to be traveling though Omaha in the next few weeks. I would love to meet up with you again … Until then, Happy Holidays 🙂

  9. Mandy Moran says:

    Being able to be alone and really appreciate your own being is truly wonderful, love this blog it summons it all up, the true meaning of our existance. 🙂

  10. Sandra says:

    Right back at you, my friend.

  11. I love your photo as an expression of what is just beyond words. really beautiful.

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